Words to describe children: Language matters

The way we describe children is powerful. The little ones in our lives not only hear the words we use to describe them, but are impacted by them, too. So let’s choose to make that impact both positive and empowering.

Firstly, I am not writing this post to call anyone out for their word choice – Rather, I’m calling you in. Most of us have been guilty of choosing negative vocabulary to describe the littles in our lives at some point or another. But, this that doesn’t mean we can’t change!

Let’s lean into what I mean here. The words we use shape and influence those who hear them in many ways, and so it is important that we are careful and deliberate in how we describe children. Especially when we are talking about personality traits, because these cannot be changed! They are inherent parts of the child’s identity – So why bring someone down for what they cannot change when you can build them up instead?

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Here are some examples:

“Anna is a mean/bad kid.”

This one straight up just hurts my heart. I do not believe that children are inherently bad. They are formative beings placed into environments totally out of their control, and some are facing complex and difficult circumstances that may bring out negative behaviour. Plus, they are humans! We all make mistakes, but we should not be defined by them.

Making bad choices doesn’t make someone a bad person. Like I always tell the littles in my life: It is what you do after making a mistake that defines you, not the mistake itself. I firmly believe that it is our job, as adults, to support children in finding healthy ways to express their needs, wants, and feelings.

I would rather hear “Sometimes Anna needs guidance to make good choices,” or “Anna is having a tough day” than a reductive and negative description like she’s a “bad kid.”

“John is bossy.”

Okay, so this one is also unkind. A nicer way to describe John could be “John is a strong leader,” “John is assertive,” or “John has a clear understanding of what he wants.”

Like my Momma always said: “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.” Assertive people change the world. They chase their goals with tenacity and make phenomenal leaders. Simply calling them bossy ignores all of these positive aspects to their personality!

“Emily is too hyper/talkative.”

Everyone’s natural energy levels are different! While some scenarios may mean letting the energy out is inappropriate, we could easily describe Emily as being “full of life” or “highly active.” Again, these sound much more positive.

It can also be hard for children to manage their energy levels and self-regulate! This is especially true for those with medical conditions like ADHD.

“Maya is spoiled.”

Maybe Maya has abundance in her life? Some families are more financially advantaged than others, but that shouldn’t mean we describe them as spoiled, which has an ugly connotation attached to it.

“Ben is too chubby” or “too thin.”

Honestly, the reasons why I disdain comments like this call for a whole post on healthy body-talk. In a growing world of body positivity, this is said less frequent than when I was growing up… But is still an issue.

Body shaming of any kind is harmful to a child’s physical and psychological development. As someone who works with children, I strive to promote healthy body imagery in hopes that I can lessen struggles with body dysmorphia, eating disorders, and fixation on physical appearance and how this impacts their perception of self worth.

Even when said as a joke, these comments have no place. I’m not even going to put an alternate here, because theres seldom need to be commenting on a child’s physical form or body shape.

“Tony is too emotional/dramatic.”

We are all humans. Part of our natural body function is to have emotions. Some of us are more emotional than others, and that is okay! Life is hard (at every age), and sometimes we just have to let those feelings out, after all.

Also, while emotional regulation is a learned behaviour for many children, there’s many reasons why a child may not have this ability. Needs not being met or health conditions are two good examples.

I much prefer positive statements like “Tony is passionate.” Again, let’s not break children down for who they are – Let’s build them up.

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These are just a few examples of how we can reframe the way we describe children. There are so, so, so many out there. I know that I’ve made these mistakes too, so my hope in sharing this is that we all become more aware of the words we choose, and that we think about how the people we are describing would feel about our choices.

But, why does this even matter? Well, I dream of a world where children feel respected, empowered, and safe to be themselves. Where diversity is celebrated and individuality is honoured. As adults, we can teach the self-love and confidence required to create this ideal world.

Our words are a powerful way to make this change happen.

So, let’s change the narrative when we describe children. Let’s choose language that is positive, uplifting, and encouraging.

Thank you for reading. ♡